Remember how I said April was trying to kill me?
I was not wrong.
April almost did kill me, but it waited until May 1st to do so. Because I had let my guard down, you see. I survived speeding tickets, locking my keys in the car, multiple conferences, #gasleak12, various kid illnesses, and then April was over. I breathed a sigh of relief and went to a signing at the IRA convention. Four hours later, I was in bed, feverish and hallucinating for a solid week.
Suck it, April. I know you were behind this.
Now I'm recovered and enjoying a bit of a breather. We moved to this house a little less than two years ago, and I've spent the bulk of that time frantically writing and serving a wide variety of frozen pizza to my family. I'm enjoying making real food, and unpacking the boxes in the garage, and generally restoring order. Also, watching Sherlock. Bendedict Cumberbatch was my reward for surviving April. (This never gets old, btw)
Alas, it's not all fresh vegetables and fun with the labelmaker. Something had to give in the two years that I was writing the Torn Trilogy, and since I'm firmly convinced that Nature is out to get me, it was an easy decision. I ensconced myself in my office and ignored the backyard entirely.
In retrospect, this might not have been the best idea I've ever had.
(I told you nature was out to get me.)
Guys, I can't even. I CAN'T EVEN. They are taller than me. If I let Big Marshmallow into the yard, she gets swallowed up in weeds, just like that scene in Little House on The Prairie where Baby Carrie gets loose on the prairie and everyone runs around looking for her, thinking she's been swallowed up by some sort of sinkhole. Every time I think about it, I start to twitch. It's like living in the rainforest, if the rainforest was located just north of Chicago.
So, here is my plan. Fifteen minutes a day. I can do anything for fifteen minutes a day, right? Surely I can attack weeds for fifteen minutes, and then come in for a cookie and a bit of a lie-down. And once the biggest, prickliest, most vicious weeds have come out, I'm going to pay my kids to do it instead.
I always feel better with a plan. In the meantime, send cookies and iced tea. And bug spray. And sunblock. And maybe a lawn service. And a money tree to pay for the lawn service.
What are you doing this weekend? Please say it's more fun than weeding.